Existential crisis

Hi friend. 

Time to take that next step you've been wanting to take (but have been too scared to attempt). 

Time to finally prioritize yourself, take your shit seriously, put down the bottle or whatever it is that's keeping you from reaching your potential, and lean into the discomfort of pulling up a chair in front of the mirror and saying..."enough is enough." You've read the books, saved all the inspirational posts on Instagram, can talk the spiritual and self-development talk, and yet...

Nothing changes. Day after day, week after week, month after month...year after year... Nothing changes. Your Dark Night of the Soul has been stretching on for wayyyy longer than you'd like to admit. Yes, the journey is perfect - darkness and all - but if you're here, chances are you're ready to let go, to surrender, to walk through the door that's been beckoning...and see what's on the other side of unfulfillment, misery, and stagnation. Because if you're anything like I was, that unholy trinity of existential crisis became intolerable - particularly the symptoms of it, symptoms like alcohol, perfectionism, and escapism - and left me in a state of mental, physical, and spiritual rock bottom from which I almost didn't escape. 

This seems gloomy, doesn't it? Not at all airy-fairy and inspiring, spiritual hot girl aesthetic. Well, let me be the first to tell you that joy has many faces, and one of them is the sheer terror of confronting all the demons you've been trying to avoid your whole life...and then finding out that they were trying to befriend you all along. Joy is coming to grips with allll of your struggles, in the realization that they are there for a reason (growth, and, paradoxically, to help put you on the right track). Joy is reframing trauma. Joy is forgiveness. Joy is breaking down into tears for the people you were and what they went through, for the person you are today who is doing their best, and for the person you'll be tomorrow. Joy is realizing how much you have to be grateful for, and the realization that every. single. minute of this life is extraordinary. That life offers us so many opportunities throughout each one of those minutes to find presence, to find peace, and to find ourselves in the midst of all the illusions and chaos of this reality. If you blink, you'll miss it...but don't worry, the ride will keep going around and around until you're ready to get off.  

Listen, I'm not sure how you stumbled upon this little corner of the Internet, but it likely wasn't because of my large ad spend (haha) or huge social media following (LMAO) or any other marketing effort (lol) I put out. So if you're here, it's because you are absolutely meant to be. 

If you found this post and was intrigued enough to click on the title, and even kept reading past the intro and all the wonderful existential stuff...then congratulations. Your synchronicity system is helping you hone in on the next big thing for you. 

The minute you start paying attention and acting on signs is the start of the Grand Adventure. This is your Call. It's time, my friend. You are Alice about to follow the rabbit. Dorothy embarking on the yellow brick road. Neo taking the red pill. 

The call to transformation is exhilarating, but it is also destructive. Your own transformation will thrust you into a fire of your own making before lifting you from the coals and re-animating your light body. None of this probably makes sense, or maybe it does and it sounds terrible. Let me tell you, it is (terrible), but it is also pure joy. Awakening is the greatest paradox, because it happens while you are still asleep. Awakening is like coming to from a dream, over and over again, except in this case, both dream and reality are nightmares. This is because you realize, simultaneously, that everything that has caused you suffering isn't real, just as you realize that everything that gives you joy...isn't real. It makes you re-evaluate what is real to you, what is meaningful, and who you truly are. 

This is only the beginning. 

Everything begins with your will, which, incidentally, is God's will. Because, oopsie, you're God. (How's that? Oh, no biggie. You're a fractal of Source itself). Listen, if you feel repelled or triggered by this statement, then you can do one of two things - 1) keep reading and looking inward as to why you're feeling this way, or 2) move along, because this isn't for you. 

If you're still here, know that this corner of the Internet isn't for everybody. It's for people who are ready. Ready to change, transform, and step into the highest version of themselves. Warriors. Poets. The walking wounded. Those who have walked through the flames and come out the other side made better for the journey. I do understand that life is not fair and that not everybody is down with the statement "what doesn't kill you makes you stronger." But here, WE ARE DOWN WITH THAT STATEMENT. 

Because the whole purpose of trauma and suffering is to enable your growth. Is that shitty? Rude? Triggering? Yes. All of those things. But guess what? Resisting the truth of this won't help lift you out of the dark hole you're in. Victimhood ends here. Because what you identify with is what you ARE, but you have free will and the choice to start being something completely different. Where victimhood ends, empowerment begins. And true power is realizing that everything that happens is happening FOR you, not TO you. Yes, even the bad bits. The horrible bits. The bits that nobody should ever have to live through. Even that. And that. Yes, that too. Change and transformation can only happen when you are able to look at your past and appreciate it for what it's given you, no matter what. This is alchemy in its truest form. It's how you liberate yourself from the tyranny of the past (which will control you as long as you identify with the trauma and the beliefs it planted in your operating system). 

Fortunately, within the suffering is the solution. Nobody wants to suffer (consciously...unconsciously is a different story). It's in the discomfort and suffering that you will find the tipping point for change - when things get to such a point of abject misery that you find yourself sitting in that hole you dug, wondering...where am I? This is not where I was supposed to be. 

Except it is where you're supposed to be (hence....the journey is perfect). But I have even better news. As soon as you notice that you don't want to be where you are, you've already taken the first step. 

Again, if you're here, it's for a reason. 

Maybe you've heard of breathwork, maybe you haven't. Guess what...I don't care either way. 

(What?! How can you say that? Aren't you a breathwork guide?)

I don't care because you might have preconceived notions about breathwork based on some of the viral reels on Instagram that show people puking their emotional guts out, or maybe you've been to a practitioner that wasn't in integrity, or maybe you're just skeptical as shit because everybody seems to be selling snake oil these days. I get it. So I don't care if you've heard of breathwork or not, if you're a newbie, if you're seasoned, I don't care. Because I want you to FLUSH everything you think you know about breathwork. I want you to come to WOO...tabula rasa. From here on out, think of it as only this: medicine.

You have a dis-ease, right? Existential crisis is no joke. It causes cancer, addiction, depression, all the things. Literally EVERYTHING we suffer from as humans can all be traced back to EXISTENTIAL CRISIS, aka, the fear of not truly knowing ourselves. The feeling of being cut off from HOME, being so homesick for something that cannot be explained that we cover up the inexplicableness with labels and medications and money and addictions and other crises like social media trends and elections and slavery and famine and global meltdown and terrible economies. 

This disease isn't one that's actually named, however; or rather, it goes by a lot of other names. Swept up into the ocean of psychological conditions and mental health nightmares. Masquerading as individual and generational trauma and physical ailments galore. If you get cancer, there's medicine for you (whether that's pharmaceuticals or holistic therapies or both). In the case of existential crisis, what have you got? 

I'm here to tell you that the only thing that's going to save you...is you. 

Specifically, your breath. Your breath is your medicine. 

I'll repeat this: 

If you are experiencing an existential crisis, breathwork is the medicine. Existential crisis = unfulfillment, misery, stagnation (among other things). 

Now there is wayyyyy too much to write about HOW it's your medicine (that's a post for another time), but for now, I'll leave you with this: 

Your breath is your link to the present, it is your body's way of releasing trauma and emotions, and it is also how you anchor in new beliefs and create your future. Warrior, child of the stars, your breath - your life force - is the master key to the gateway separating you from who you are in this moment, and who you are capable of becoming.

Hi. Hello there. 

If you're still reading, somewhere deep in your body you have already bridged the gap between "I can't do this," and "I can do this." 

What's not talked about enough is that there is a pre-requisite for transformation: You have to believe that change is possible for you. You have to believe that you CAN put down the bottle. You have to BELIEVE that your relationship to something that is destroying you will never change, and so quitting is the only answer (this was my case). When we've tried and failed at doing something (and I'm going to be annoying here and say that there is no failure...only feedback), there is always a belief keeping us doing the thing. A belief stemming from the belief that it is benefiting you somehow (even if logically this makes absolutely no sense). 

In fact, the statement "your beliefs create your reality" - when being used to help create a reality shift - has a pre-requisite: FIRST YOU HAVE TO BELIEVE THAT YOUR BELIEFS CREATE YOUR REALITY. How meta is that? I mean really. The truth is whether you believe it or not, it's happening, and all you have to do to find proof is examine the inner dialogue you have with yourself, and ask yourself if the external world matches the tone of that dialogue. As within, so without. Because that's just how powerful you are, bitch.

I'm going to cut to the chase here. I'm talking about beliefs because the fundamental POV of WOO Breathwork is that what's actually happening during 'trauma healing' (which breathwork is 100% of the time associated with) is really just the uncovering of beliefs that were installed at the time of trauma. Trauma, after all, teaches you something about yourself or the world, which is almost always WRONG, and forms a belief, like a line of code in your operating system (body), which then creates a domino effect over how you act, think, and make decisions in the world (kind of like how code works!) And think about it, over the course of a lifetime with alllll those little or big traumas and the beliefs they install ("I'm not good enough at XYZ," "I'm never going to make ends meet," etc.), you never get to experience who you truly are beyond the code. 

The thing is that you were given the tools to release the trauma in real-time, but nobody ever showed you how to use them. So throughout your life, you held your breath through every rough experience. And that's what anchored in the beliefs. Every. Damn. Time. Breathholding is a trauma response, and incidentally, it anchors in the trauma (belief). Conversely, it can be used to anchor in beautiful, new beliefs. But that's another post for another time. 

If you're still reading, it's because you've already done the work to fulfill the pre-requisite - otherwise you'd never have noticed your Call. So congratulations. It's all downhill from here. 

Downhill has really got a bad rap. 

Yes it's going to feel like falling, but here's the trip - you've got momentum on your side, and a soft spot to land.

Why? Because the thing that's going to catch you...is you. 

You are going to save yourself. You are both the seeker and that which is being sought. You are the mountain and the trees and air, every grain of sand and star in the heavens. You are the Kingdom and also the Garden. It has always been you, and it always will be you, as you spiral ever further upwards and into greater and greater knowledge of yourself and your unique light. Because you are more than the fleshly being reading this right now, across time and space and pixels...you are me. I am you. And we are here together, in time, and space, sharing the eternal present. At the same moment that I'm typing these words, you are reading them, because there is no separation between here and now. Just as nothing will slow the march of time, nothing will stop you from the fall, from the journey, from the descent and ascent. You are on the wheel, on the track, the path to becoming the master you were put here to be. You are awake in the dream now, and there is nowhere to go, but everywhere.

And so, if these words resonate, then welcome to the journey, friend. 

I can't wait to see what self-discovery does to you (lol).